Random Musings...

So I was getting ready for work today, going through the motions, and wondered to myself...when did I stop caring about makeup? I have been raised on makeup and started wearing it at such a young age. I remember in fourth grade I participated in a modeling class and did some in store and runway modeling for Sears. My mother was selling Avon at the time and always had piles of samples...so she went out and bought me a purple caboodle (oh yes...remember those?) and I stashed it full of every color eyeshadow, lipstick, and blush I could get my little hands on. I stared in awe at the older girls putting on their makeup and I felt so proud of myself and felt beautiful whenever I wore it. I didn't start really wearing makeup until I was thirteen when my mother and I realized that my eyelashes were so light that I looked weird...thus my obsession with mascara began. I always wore a full face of makeup (sans lipstick...I'm still not a huge fan) in high school and remember teaching my college roomate how to put makeup on. No man ever saw me without makeup...I would wake up and brush my teeth and put on mascara before he would even blink.

Somewhere along the way...after college..after Jimmy and I had been together for a while...my makeup started disappearing from my face. At first it was only in the summertime that I wouldn't wear eyeliner...now...haha...I only wear mascara and a little bit of foundation under my eyes (not where it is supposed to go). Katie came to visit me and did all of my makeup and I had no idea how to mix eyeshadows anymore or the proper way to apply foundation, concealer and blush. When she was done...I forgot that I can be pretty. I guess you reach a point when you're with someone where you let yourself go. Weight wise...I weigh less than I did in high school...so I know that's good...but makeup used to be so important to me...and now I forget to take the time to do it. Then you wonder if your significant other is disappointed by this...and you care..but you don't want to because that's a silly girl thing to think...and you're a strong woman...he should love you no matter what you look like.

Then again...maybe I feel that I don't need to hide behind all of that paint. That my pale skin, and slightly dark undereye bags are what make me...me.

So yes...all of these thoughts stem from a glance in the mirror....

I need to stop overthinking things.