Miniature Disasters

So things have returned back to a state of normalness in the West/Peterson household. It's hard trying to be happy together when I know that he is leaving again soon...and for a long time. We went shopping the other day and he had asked me if I wanted to go here or there to look at things and I was so miserable that I started sobbing in the car. I'm glad that my tears no longer scare him and that he truly does want to know what's wrong with me. I told him that I feel like a burden to him because I haven't been able to find a job yet and soon my money is going to run out. I don't like the idea of someone else paying my bills and we hadn't had the financial situation conversation at that point. He assurred me that I am not a burden and that while I may not contribute financially, I take care of our home and our pets. He also reminded me that he loved me and is invested in our relationship: physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. I've never had the money conversation with anyone before, because frankly, I've always taken care of myself and I've never lived with a significant other before Jimmy. I guess I just don't want him to be disappointed in me. I want to live up to his expectations. I realize that I need to stop being so hard on myself. I know that things will work out and I'll get a job eventually. In the meantime, he'll take care of me and our animal family if need be. His upcoming deployment is weighing heavily on my heart. While I want to enjoy our time together, I'm trying to keep some distance because it's going to be that much harder when he leaves. I love him, and I love our life together and I really don't want him to leave again.

A Bushel and a Peck...

So my man is finally home and things are getting back to normal-ish. I had been up since 3:30 the morning he came in and met some of the other wives to watch the boat come in. I have some great pictures that I plan to post on here/myspace. I was waiting at the pier for what seemed like forever (Jimmy is a nuke, therefore the last group of men to get off the boat). He came over to see me briefly before he had to go and shut down the reactor. I kissed him...and it felt awkward. I was expecting elation, love, all those happy emotions and what do I get...weirdness. I started freaking out about that while I waited a few hours for him to be finished. That feeling finally went away after a couple of hours. I told him about it, and how if I felt that way only after a month, what is 6-7 months going to feel like? I was just so used to him being gone, and I had my routine going, that he seemed like a stranger in my home. Things are much better now and back to normal. He actually said the sweetest thing to me the night that he came home. He told me that the longer he was underway the more he missed me and how happy he was that we're back together and that he had me to come home to. For those of you that know our history, that was a big deal for me. For those who don't, I won't go into details but Jimmy and I have gone through a lot in our relationship and we've not always been together over the past three years. Jimmy rarely says anything to that degree so when he does, you appreciate it and let him know that. Which is just what I did! So now we're home and may try to do a few fun things before he leaves again. I have a job interview tomorrow at a pre-school/daycare center. It won't pay much but at least it will keep me busy and give me health insurance so I can go to the damn doctor. Plus I'd be around kids, and everyone knows how much I love being around children. So cross your fingers ;)

100 Things

After reading Kim and Samantha's blog I decided to make my own:

1. I'm an Aries, and am pretty true to the characteristics
2. Autumn is my favorite season
3. I was born in CA but call upstate NY home
4. I speak French
5. Jimmy and I had our first date at a Robert Cray concert on November 11, 2005...it was a perfect first date
6. I love all seafood and indulge in Mexican food once in a while
7. I am stubborn
8. I cry when I get angry/frustrated...and only yell when I'm very, very pissed off
9. I correct people when they make spelling errors, I know it's not the nicest thing to do but I can't help it, it drives me insane
10. I have never felt more assured of myself then when I lived in France
11. I want to go back to school and get my Master's to teach
12. I never wanted to get married or have children...things change when you grow up
13. I have a younger brother who is 21 and an older half brother who is 33...I normally only say that I have a younger brother...I didn't grow up with my older brother nor have the best relationship with him
14. I hate medicine and can't wait to go off birth control during this deployment. I prefer natural healing methods and think that this entire country is overly medicated.
15. I have minors in Political Science and Art History...my interests vary
16. I want nothing but boys but can't think of any names that I love. If I have a girl she will be named Audrey Joanna...after my two grandmothers
17. I have been to almost 100 concerts...my boyfriend has been to almost 300...we like music
18. I don't think you need to sleep with someone to see if they are good in bed...a kiss will suffice
19. I have been to the following countries: England, Ireland, Canada, France, Monaco, Italy, and Spain...I want to see the world
20. I have always been an independent person and I don't like people taking care of me
21. Jimmy and I have a dog named Floyd and a cat named Layla...all subsequent animals will be named after bands/songs
22. My favorite artist is René Magritte...he's a surrealist painter...not everyone's cup of tea
23. I never thought in a million years that I would be in a love with a military man
24. I am always reading a book...ALWAYS
25. I have never been to the hospital for anything...no broken bones, no diseases, nada
26. I live in constant fear that I will not be able to have children, I'm perfectly healthy but terrified that I can't have kids
27. I love how my boyfriend knows that he MUST hold me for a few minutes before we go to bed every night..no exceptions
28. My first year of college was spent at an all-girls Catholic school...I loved it and should have stayed there (but I never would have met Jimmy)
29. Jimmy and I love playing Rock Band and Guitar Hero...I sing, he plays guitar...we really get into it
30. I like flowers...I don't really care what they are but orchids are the coolest looking
31. Jimmy is not really romantic...so when he does romantic things I appreciate them a lot
32. I was raised Catholic and go to church when I can but am open to other religions
33. I am liberal in my beliefs, my boyfriend isn't for the most part, this is ok
34. I could never imagine being an only child
35. I have mixed heritage but mostly associate myself with my Irish side. I'm also Native American on both sides
36. I love the ocean
37. I am blessed to have a man that can dance
38. I love red wine and beer
39. I didn't do much drinking or partying until after college
40. My favorite color is red
41. I eat tomatoes whole
42. I am terrified of worms, snails, and slugs
43. My mother is the oldest of 8 children...I love having a big family
44. I get angry when I think of my grandmother who died when she was 58 from smoking when I was 12...I could have still had a grandmother...
45. I get asked this question a lot, yes I am naturally blonde and no I do not dye/get highlights
46. I will spend a lot of money on makeup, not on shoes
47. I do not like to shop..If I stay in a mall for more than 2 hours I start feeling sick
48. I have a small hole above my right ear that has been there since I was born
49. I can't see things unless they are in front of my face...I hate having poor vision
50. I give incredible advice and am easy to talk to...However, I don't follow my own advice
51. I have never dated the same man twice...they are all very different...I like that
52. I have been in love three times
53. My favorite disney princess is Sleeping Beauty...I collect things from the movie
54. I love sapphires and refuse to wear diamonds unless they are conflict free
55. I think that being in a relationship is much better than being single...I don't miss it
56. My mother, brother, and I have matching moles on our hands
57. I sing...all the time
58. Cooking is something that I enjoy...I love that my boyfriend is a great cook
59. Jimmy and I don't have pet names for each other...it's simply babe... we rarely call each other by our names
60. I have an incredible relationship with my parents, I can talk to them about anything, I hope it will be that way for me and my children
61. My great-grandparents were bootleggers during Prohibition...I think that's awesome
62. Jimmy and I have not had a perfect, fairtale relationship...I think it's made us stronger in the end
63. To this day I still love to color...I always have a coloring book and crayons around
64. I can't stand it when people swear in front of children
65. I am trying to go green...I buy organic when I can, I clean with green products, and we have burlap shopping bags...Jimmy is into it which makes me happy
66. Jimmy will leave a cup with a tea bag in it and the honey out for me in the morning...if it's the weekend he will make me tea
67. I love animals and would be content to live on a farm
68. I love to camp and go hiking...I don't do it enough
69. I used to be a bitch...I've softened in my old age.
70. I think snakes are cute
71. I would love to be debt free someday...student loans are not nice
72. I read tarot cards for fun
73. I have never been so angry or so happy with someone as I've been with Jimmy...for better or for worse
74. I've seen dead people, on four separate occasions, therefore I believe in ghosts
75. I get really angry when people criticize the French...so what if they don't want to join us in Iraq...I don't blame them...and yes we liberated them during WWII...but we wouldn't be a country if they didn't come to our aid during the Revolutionary War
76. I, unlike most women I know, had a perfect first time...
77. I only like to write with blue pens
78. I have an incredible memory...I can repeat what you said and where we were...this gets Jimmy into a lot of trouble
79. I don't read Cosmo...I read Good Housekeeping
80. Jimmy and I call Paula Deen, Grandma and B.B. King, Grandpa...we would imagine that they would be cool grandparents
81. I hate onions...HATE them
82. I love watching fires...it's weird
83. My pinky toes curl under the toes next to it...My grandmother's did the same thing
84. I love cities but I prefer to live in the woods
85. My initials are SAP...I was teased for a long time for that...My intitals will be SAW when Jimmy and I get married...oh joy
86. I think deployments pretty much suck...but I know I'm strong enough to deal with it
87. Jimmy has light brown hair and can grow a full, RED, beard...and I love it
88. I don't like to sleep in past 8:30...I feel like my day has been wasted
89. I will never understand how people can go to jail for years for smoking pot yet child molesters can roam free...
90. I have a small collection of collectable barbie dolls
91. I love rollercoasters
92. I will take an intelligent man over the most attractive one anyday
93. I can be blunt sometimes...it may make people uncomfortable
94. I don't trust people right off...it takes a while
95. I love how jimmy and I will talk like sid the sloth to each other....it's schooper schweet...yes we talk like that in public sometimes
96. I secretly love how passionate Jimmy is about music...I think it's important to be passionate about something
97. I hate moving...I will be moving a lot in my life
98. I don't like that my father will be 60 soon...that's grandpa age
99. I have a close few that are my good friends and a lot of aquaintances
100. My boyfriend is my best friend

Layla and other assorted love songs

We're nearing the end of this small deployment and I'm going through a whirlwind of emotions. I'm elated that I will be able to see the man that I love so much again. On the other hand the first week that he was gone was horrible and I don't want to go through that again. I feel like I've done pretty well and I'm a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. It's funny, before Jimmy left he told me that he wouldn't be worried about me because I'm a "strong woman" and can handle something as gut wrenching as deployment. I've thought a lot about what he said and realize that the military life is not for everyone. This isn't easy by any means and being away from your loved one for many months at a time, sometimes not hearing from them for weeks/months would be enough to ruin many a relationship. I admire the women that I've met who work so hard to keep their families as "normal" as possible given the circumstances. I am amazed that I love someone so much that I moved to a place away from my friends and family, gave up a decent paying job (when I worked at State Farm, not rental), and watched him leave knowing that I wouldn't see him for quite sometime. I never thought in a million years that I would become a military wife (I say wife because frankly, I stopped feeling like a girlfriend a while ago). I know that we will make it through this and be stronger because of it. I love my boyfriend more than anything in this world and am so proud of him...

On a lighter note, we have a new addition to our family! One of the other wives from the boat has a cat who unexpectedly had kittens. So I decided to take one off her hands...her name is Layla and she is cuddly, curious, and frisky. Floyd and her seem to be tolerating each other...someday I hope that they grow to love each other :)

Nature girl!

So in an attempt to keep my boredom at bay..I've been making sure to get out of the house at least once a day. Saturday I took Floyd to the dog park and watched him run around. There is a path around the park that equals a mile so we walked a bit beforehand. He loves being off his leash, but he's still not a fan of other dogs. I went to church on Sunday...yes I know hell must have frozen over, but it's something to do and it's free! I was thinking about trying the different churches in the area and seeing which one I like the best. I've never been to any service other than Catholic so I'm not sure what to expect. It has been hot and muggy out and we had our first thunderstorm last night!! I was taking Floyd for a walk and we got caught in the downpour...a welcome relief from all the humidty though. This morning was spent at Mohegan Park in Norwich. I went for the rose gardens and was slightly upset that they were closed for cultivation/gardening purposes. Luckily for myself there was much more to this secluded wonder. There is a huge pond (more like a small lake) with a fountain in the middle and a FREE beach. Ivy strewn arbors stood atop the bridge and roses lined the path on either side. I walked around and dipped my feet in the water...it was warm! I'm thinking of going back to the beach and swimming for a day. I took pictures for Jimmy and plan on taking him when he comes home. There are lots of free and cheap things to do in the area and I'm making it a point to visit them...then I can play tour guide to my friends when they visit. I took the long way home along a scenic road and realized that I don't really hate it here...I just never took the time to see the beauty of the area. I'm eagerly anticipating Jimmy's arrival back. We've been emailing each other and he's doing well...trying to get qualified. I miss him a lot and hope that by the time he comes home I'll have a job :(

All You Need is Love

So I spent a lovely weekend in Queensbury for my best friend Victoria's wedding. It was exactly what I needed to get out of my feeling sorry for myself funk. We started the weekend's festivities with drinking @ Vicki's apartment for the bachelorette party (we were going to go camping but alas the weather sucks). The party was made complete with booze, inflatible penis, penis straws, sex trivia cards, and a seance. Tequila was downed by many (not me!) and funny stories were told. I had a blast! The rehearsal dinner was a big bbq @ Victoria's grandparents house. We ran through the wedding twice since there were 4 little ones participating (craziness). I spent the night with Victoria and her mom. She was so calm and I know I will not be that way at all when my day comes.

We woke up @ 5am (note to self, have a later wedding so you can sleep a little the night before) and got our hair done. It was a zoo in that house...4 children...6 bridesmaids...a bride...and two nervous parents. The florist was late with the flowers...therefore we were a little rushed with photos but I think they came out well. Once we got to the venue Victoria finally looked a little nervous...I was nervous for her the whole time. She looked absolutely amazing! My best friend is a bit of a tomboy and you never would have guessed it looking at her. The ceremony went off without a hitch! Beth set free butterflies and they clung to everyone! I had two hiding in my bouquet afterwards.

We were so busy taking pictures that we missed the 1st hour of open bar. Therefore most of the pics of me from the reception are with drink in hand. I was pretty bombed and I danced the whole freakin night. I forgot how much fun I have with my friends from high school when we all get together. I miss our girl nights of wild debauchery. It's crazy to think that we're at the age of marriage now. After going to the wedding I have the overwhelming desire to get married. I'm hoping it's temporary..as I'm sure Jimmy is too. We've talked about marriage and kids before...I'm sure it will happen someday...just not right now. Which I'm good with...for a while. I'm on a five year plan. I want to be pregnant or have a little one in 5 years. I don't want to be too old of a mom.

Speaking of Jimmy he called me all weekend long! His sub had pulled into port in FL and he apparently had a great time! I'm glad he's making friends and was able to visit a state he's never been to! I really wish he had been at the wedding though. I miss him but he'll be home soon for a little while!

On a better note I had a job interview today. It went well but I don't think I'll take the position. The hours are 11-8 and I need something that's earlier than that. I want to be able to spend time with my boyfriend before bed. So...the search is still on!