Grace's Senior Portraits
2 years ago
Friday, June 27, 2008
Miniature Disasters
So things have returned back to a state of normalness in the West/Peterson household. It's hard trying to be happy together when I know that he is leaving again soon...and for a long time. We went shopping the other day and he had asked me if I wanted to go here or there to look at things and I was so miserable that I started sobbing in the car. I'm glad that my tears no longer scare him and that he truly does want to know what's wrong with me. I told him that I feel like a burden to him because I haven't been able to find a job yet and soon my money is going to run out. I don't like the idea of someone else paying my bills and we hadn't had the financial situation conversation at that point. He assurred me that I am not a burden and that while I may not contribute financially, I take care of our home and our pets. He also reminded me that he loved me and is invested in our relationship: physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. I've never had the money conversation with anyone before, because frankly, I've always taken care of myself and I've never lived with a significant other before Jimmy. I guess I just don't want him to be disappointed in me. I want to live up to his expectations. I realize that I need to stop being so hard on myself. I know that things will work out and I'll get a job eventually. In the meantime, he'll take care of me and our animal family if need be. His upcoming deployment is weighing heavily on my heart. While I want to enjoy our time together, I'm trying to keep some distance because it's going to be that much harder when he leaves. I love him, and I love our life together and I really don't want him to leave again.
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3 comments:
Hey Stephanie, I'm glad we met and I hope we can hang out sometime. I totally understood your blog about the financial dependence thing and how uncomfortable that is-- when I met Josh, I had quit my job to take care of my mother while she was dying, and he began supporting me almost at once. Which made me feel so loved but also so guilty. I've learned to take it at face value: these military men LOVE being able to provide for their partners, it makes them feel like a success. So for what that's worth...
Have you gotten hooked up with the wives' support group yet? Knowing other women from the boat goes a long way toward dealing with the deployment blues. We can all be miserable together! :)
yup i hear you on this one. nate's dad always makes me feel guilty about not working, but the again both he an nate's mom work so hard (and they're rich for it..) but only had one child and barely spent time raising him!
"nate said from the beginning. only get a job if you want one. i can take care of you." and only recently did i take a job, that i can bring the kids with me to, that i only work 2 days a week. and i love it. =)
That must be so hard. I cannot even being to imagine. *HUGE HUGS* I understand why you don't " want to get too close" as Jimmy will be deployed again, and soon, but maybe letting your guard down little by little would do some good. The day he leaves you don't want to be overcome by so many mixed emotions and wish that you hadn't put up a barrier between yourself and Jimmy.
Then again, I do not know Jimmy at all (though if I keep reading your blog I bet I will;-) ) and maybe you are taking the best approach.
What advice, eh? Don't do this. No, wait. Do it!
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